We all like knowing that our partners and friends care about us. We all want to believe that everyone will tell us the truth about things. However, we all know that the latter statement is not the case. Friends and partners will still lie in spite of their feelings for you. We know this to be true.
Don’t get me wrong… most of the time the lies are petty and meaningless. So much so, that we ask ourselves, “Why did I even ask?” For the married folks, I’m sure that you have a sure-fire system for detecting lies. And, most of us have already heard about looking for changes in behavior. But, But, But… what if your not married and don’t have years of experience with someone?
So, for the rest, how do you protect yourself against lies. Well, the answer to that is ‘set-up’.
The first step is setting-up the behavior baseline. Basically, it goes like this… ask your target person simple questions which you are positive they will not lie when answering. Look at their facial expressions, speech pattern, and word usage. Make sure to keep that in mind.
For example, ask a question like, “Do you like coffee?” Or, “Do you work or go to school?” Ask a few, to gather the basic behavior of the person answering truthfully. **Very important, this is not an interrogation, so don’t ask the questions consecutively. This all has to occur in a relaxed conversation.
Next, start asking questions that your target person might lie when answering. “Do you go out a lot?” and “How long has it been since your last relationship?” fall into this category. Evaluate.
Lastly, ask questions that you know your target person will lie when answering. Finding questions for this case is tricky because they come off as confrontational, but with practice you can find some easier questions to ask. I have found that questions like “…ever fart in public?”, “Have you ever had your heart broken?”, “…ever cry over someone?”, or “…Have you ever fallen asleep after sex?” work well. These questions work because they happen to everyone, but no one likes to admit it… so they usually lie.
Certain lying behavior will be obvious. As mentioned in prior articles, usually someone that is telling the truth will be direct and give short answers. Do you like coffee? Yes. On the other hand, obvious lies are followed with elaborate stories and details because they are trying to convince you of the lie. The in-between is where the real fun starts, and where most of the practice needs to be focused. Look for tells and pay attention because no two people will behave the same.
And there you go… you have successfully evaluated your target person. Remember, it is not an interrogation. If you did a good job, you will be able to detect when a person is telling you the truth based on your initial assessment. It is a great skill to acquire. *And, if you evaluate yourself… maybe you can start getting away with some lies. Oh! Blew your mind.